Become A Rock. Let No-one Hurt You.

10 Feb


Rather than directing all our energy into time consuming, waste of time efforts to change others, our time would be better spent developing patience with the way things are.

Our aim is for inner peace, and anything that takes that away from us is not worth our tears. Spend your time establishing stability inside you. Stability means standing firm against life’s storms instead of letting life blow you about like a feather. To achieve inner peace, blame must be let go of and life’s disappointments should be accepted as such. Without the strained emotion we attach to them.

Some people don’t understand justice or compromise. They haven’t got a clue what fairness means. You are not going to change them. The only thing you can do is let go of the hold they have over you.

Look inside now and think about what you are afraid of? Will your fear make it go awayrocky-beaches-6916? Will the screaming fits make it go away? No. And your fear will only serve to paralyze you. It will creep into your head, your brain and body. It will make you lose sleep.

Stop allowing your thoughts to make you suffer. Let insults, stupidity and hard-heartedness bounce off you.  You cannot insist that anyone else changes but if you want it enough, you can transform yourself.

Transformation begins when you accept the things you cannot change but there is nothing ‘defeatist’ in that. It is only a rock that could take on this challenge so –

Become a rock.

Trying To Change Your Partner Spells Disaster

8 Jan

Trying to change your partner spells disaster because everyone at heart wants to be loved for who they are.

 ‘Can’t go out in that shirt with pink elephants’ she says to her man.

He loves that shirt with pink elephants otherwise he wouldn’t have bought it but here she is saying ‘it’s too pink, too loud, our friends will think you’ve gone mad’.

 So he gives in and puts on his pale blue shirt so there isn’t an argument whilst inwardly quietly seething at not being allowed to dress as he likes.

‘Can’t wear those red shoes’ he says to her ‘What will my boss think if he sees you in those? Wear your brown ones’.

She adores her new red shoes but to avoid an argument puts on the brown pair and feels like a frumpy housewife all night.

 Isn’t it a shame we want everyone to fit into boxes the size and shape of our box? Why should everyone should share our perspective and follow our lead like dogs on chains?

From today let’s practice the ‘art of letting go’ and give others the freedom to express themselves freely .

– Let’s say your partner proudly shows you his latest purchase. He’s bought a pair of striped trousers that seem hideous to you –  

He says ‘I know you probably don’t like them but the minute I saw them, I just had to have them.’

Without criticism, judgement or irony in your voice, what could you say not to burst his bubble?


‘Different indeed but if they make you happy, go ahead and wear them my love.’

PS  I’m sure you know that one of the main reasons relationships fail is that partners are so intent on trying to change each other, so let’s instead try embracing our differences with love and not force our tastes on anyone.

As same sex couples are on the rise, heterosexual couples are giving up.

This is what happens when you force someone else to be other than who they are

The difference between ordinary and extra ordinary is taking your dreams to the finishing line

31 Dec

I am an ordinary woman

I don’t let that stop me having grand aims with peacock hues.

When my aims are met with scorn

I turn my face.

Let them slap the other cheek

I know before great aims sprout roots

Many falter. Many give up

Not I

I am an ordinary woman but my aims of peacock hues are not

They’re an extra-ordinary extension of my potential

So I hold onto my aspirations

And keep faith

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Editors’ Picks of the Year: Notable Reads on

23 Dec

Where would we all be without WordPress?

The Blog

Our editors dove into the archives to resurface top posts published on this year, from personal essays to comics, and photography to fiction. Here’s a glimpse of what you published — and what the community especially loved — in 2014.

“Ever Wished That Calvin and Hobbes Creator Bill Watterson Would Return to the Comics Page? Well, He Just Did,” Stephan Pastis, Pearls Before Swine

“Bill Watterson is the Bigfoot of cartooning,” writes comic artist Stephan Pastis of the legendary Calvin and Hobbes creator. This summer, Pastis collaborated — in secret — with Watterson. Their awesome idea: Watterson would silently step in and draw Pastis’ comic strip, Pearls Before Swine, for a few days, pretending to be a second grader. Pastis recounts the experience, offering a rare glimpse of Bigfoot.

Pearls Before Swine; Stephan Pastis; June 4, 2014.Pearls Before Swine; Stephan Pastis; June 4, 2014.

“No Apology,” Mehreen Kasana

I will apologize for ISIS when every…

View original post 1,358 more words


23 Dec

I always say if ‘you’re gonna be sad, try to find the happiness in it too’ x


Everyone wants to be happy.

Well, most people I’ve met want to be happy. I won’t say everyone because I am sure that there are certain people out there who want to be sad and hey, if they are happy being sad, then let them be sad… and be happy about it.
If you are happy to be sad, then are you sad or happy? My brain hurts.

For those of us who want to be happy, it can seem like an impossible goal at times.

Someone new comes into your life and you are ecstatic. You get a new car and you take any excuse to go for a ride because you love it. Maybe you even earned a promotion and everything is looking up in life!

But then that person ends up hurting you, that car costs more in insurance, and that promotion has a lot more work…

View original post 983 more words

Heterosexual couples still on the decline. Why do YOU think this is?

23 Dec

I have been a Tantra woman since the late 80’s – both as follower then teacher – and whilst I might be in the minority, couldn’t be happier the brakes have been pulled on hard porn. Some of the banned categories included in the new ruling are of course nonsense, but I cannot think of one law – or any school of thought come to that – that is without flaws.

At lease R18 category porn videos are still freely available and there is enough in their content to satisfy most tastes. However, my question here is whether the ‘over- watching’ of porn is having an adverse effect on male heterosexual lovers? (note: I said ‘over-watching’ and not watching)

An article in The Conservative Woman, states ‘the decline of heterosexual marital relationships continue to decline as more and more opt for same sex relationships’. According to the N2H2, there are 260 million porn sites worldwide and the statistics for who tune in are seemingly made up as follows. 2% of viewers are women and lesbian couples, 7% are gays/gay couples, 19% are heterosexual couples and 71% are heterosexual males. One such male who came to see me was deeply distressed because he could no longer make love to ‘live’ women without his penis going limp on him. He used porn three times a week to masturbate and said he did this because ‘women were so complex and took so much time to understand and please, porn was a readymade way of satisfying his sexual urges without the anxiety or need to feel he had to prove himself.’ (By teaching him Tantra techniques, he is now cured of his porn addiction – and the last I heard was in a sexually satisfying, loving relationship).

Gay guys in general don’t suffer the ‘limp penis’ fate because being of the same sex, have more confidence in giving a partner what he wants. They also (from what I hear) take a more liberal approach as to whether their sexual encounters will result in relationships so the need to prove themselves is minimized. As a gay friend of mine said the other day. ’Who has time to analyze the ‘ifs and buts’ of everything? We get straight into sex, see how that goes, then decide if we want to make something more of it.’  Might not work for everyone but anything that does away with complexity is fine by me.

Lesbians according to ‘The Tangential’, (and I cannot be certain of this so would welcome comments) ‘tend to meet each other in bars and if all goes well, kiss goodnight before parting ways.  If the chemistry is there, a short courting period follows in which lots of text messages are exchanged. The second date will be elaborate and well planned and after spending a minimum of twelve hours together, they often move onto having sex and consider themselves in a relationship.’  Fairly straightforward approach too if this is how it is – and again, less complex.

I am not saying gay/lesbian relationships are happier or easier than heterosexual relationships but at least they don’t make a big deal out of having sex or wait weeks or months as many heterosexual women do. There are exceptions of course. In fact I know loads of heterosexual women who throw themselves into sex with abandon if the chemistry is there – And if you dear reader have already found your authentic sexual self and have no issues in this regard, well done you because it took me a long time to count myself in your midst.

Due to my strict Greek-Cypriot upbringing, I admit to being a woman with complex ‘conditioned poisons’ running through my veins before I embraced Tantra.  Pre Tantra I couldn’t even ‘play with myself’ in front of man and was champion when it came to faking orgasms. Post Tantra, I knew how to take my fair share of the pie without embarrassment or insecurity and could openly share my sexual desires and fantasies

I am a huge fan of erotic role play, which lies at the heart of Tantra, but since it can be quite time consuming, isn’t something to be entertained on an everyday basis. On average my (mainly long term) relationships have included a Tantra lovemaking session about once a week and most men (whatever their sexual preferences), not only welcome this, they love it because in some ways Tantra can be likened to watching a porn movie. The difference is that we are the ‘in house doers’ as opposed to viewers watching a sex performance.. We take slow, delicious steps to awaken the senses, make love in every position using every orifice (cleanliness is the first rule of Tantra), we enjoy role play, acting out fantasy scenarios, giving sensuous massages. We are also trained in knowing every ‘hot spot’ on the body which is why Tantra it is often described as a multi orgasmic experience.  I know I am biased but I feel if more people embraced Tantra, many of the relationship problems we face today would be halved,

My suggestion – since Xmas is coming up – is for lovers everywhere, to give porn a miss and act out a fantasy scenario with their partner. (If you’d like some ideas, there are two on my website ‘The Mistress’ and ‘Roman Love Orgy’. The first is mind-based, the second is for those who want a Tantric heart-based sexual experience).

In the meantime, what I’d say to heterosexuals who feel confused about whether a ‘new possibility’ is the right match regarding what they’re looking for in a sex partner, is to glean the answers to your questions surrounding sex as early as you can. Be bold. Be done with complexity. Get it over with by the third date and you’ll know if you’re barking up the wrong tree. Sex is not the be all and end all in a relationship but great sex is the key to keeping a relationship strong and we are all entitled to have our sexual needs met.

I wish you a very Happy New Year and if you have thoughts on any of the above, would love to hear from you.

Stella Ralfini is the author of lovemaking manual Three Faces of Sex. She is a regular guest on radio stations in the UK, Ireland and Wales and just finished a Tantra

As same sex couples are on the rise, heterosexual couples are giving up.

As same sex couples are on the rise, heterosexual couples are giving up.

documentary for Channel 5 which will be screened in the UK in April 2015.

Stella also writes under the name Jaylen Grace for her children’s book

As same sex couples are on the rise, heterosexual couples are giving up.

As same sex couples are on the rise, heterosexual couples are giving up.

Despised. Ditched. Fired, made to look stupid by Daily Mail and I’m chuckling because…

17 Dec

I woke up with hope to a day full of promise. I had a blind date after work, The Daily Mail were due to feature one of my articles on Tantra, and the guy I worked for part time in publishing was going to let me know whether I’d be getting a pay rise.

I wore my favourite suit, cream suede high heels then left the house to discover I didn’t have my keys. Suddenly it started to rain, so I stood under a doorway waiting for my cousin to turn up with a spare set, cursing myself for not having an umbrella with me. Soaked through by the time she arrived, I ran inside, grabbed what I needed and ran for the train like a maniac.

When I opened my bag, the cherry yoghurt pot had exploded so I spent the journey cleaning it out. Arriving at Liverpool Street Station, I decided to buy a cappuccino.

A man in front of me was ordering at snail pace, as though he was dragging each word up from his bowels‘- And – a skinny latte – decaff – low fat caramel – extra cream – And’…..He searched the board looking for what else to add. By the time he’d decided on chocolate sprinkles, I wanted to kick him up the butt. I was still thinking about him when I got on the bus and leaned over to pick up a Metro someone had left behind.

The top of my coffee carton flipped off, at the precise moment the bus jolted, splurting the coffee into the lap of the woman opposite. Everyone’s shoes were splattered in froth including mine. All I could do was apologise profusely and offer to pay everyone’s dry cleaning bills.

‘My day seems to have got off on the wrong foot’ I said apologetically.

‘Should be more careful’ snapped a woman with coffee in her lap.

‘I was going to a job interview!’ the man next to me ranted.

Everyone had their legs in the air because the coffee was running down the middle of the bus. I got off feeling like a leper.

‘What a morning it’s been’ I said to my boss gesturing to my ruined outfit.

‘And unfortunately I’ve got bad news’ he said

‘I’m not getting a pay rise?’

‘I have to let you go’

I felt a mess and looked it, I’d lost my job and the idea of going on a blind date didn’t thrill, but he was apparently good looking, and had a great sense of humour so I decided to go to cheer myself up. Then Sue (the woman who set up the date) called.

‘He’s cancelled’


‘He decided you’re too old’

I bought a copy of the Daily Mail hoping that would lighten my mood. The headline was ’67 year old OAP Tantra love guru recommends love potions for great sex’ I should have known they’d make me sound like an idiot!

On the way home I stopped at my local pub and ordered a glass of wine, chuckling to myself.

‘What’s tickled you? The barman laughed.

‘The universe’s sense of humour’ 1535379_754306321321133_1579359600668628618_nBad-Day-quotes-1I said, holding up the scratch card I’d bought en-route. ‘I’ve just won a hundred pounds after the worst morning imaginable’

Jaylen Grace writes children’s books under this pseudonym. She writes under her real name for adult content books and is the author of lovemaking manual Three Faces of Sex She can be found on Facebook and Twitter @stellaralfini. Also at and on Twitter @jaylengrace