I woke up with hope to a day full of promise. I had a blind date after work, The Daily Mail were due to feature one of my articles on Tantra, and the guy I worked for part time in publishing was going to let me know whether I’d be getting a pay rise.
I wore my favourite suit, cream suede high heels then left the house to discover I didn’t have my keys. Suddenly it started to rain, so I stood under a doorway waiting for my cousin to turn up with a spare set, cursing myself for not having an umbrella with me. Soaked through by the time she arrived, I ran inside, grabbed what I needed and ran for the train like a maniac.
When I opened my bag, the cherry yoghurt pot had exploded so I spent the journey cleaning it out. Arriving at Liverpool Street Station, I decided to buy a cappuccino.
A man in front of me was ordering at snail pace, as though he was dragging each word up from his bowels‘- And – a skinny latte – decaff – low fat caramel – extra cream – And’…..He searched the board looking for what else to add. By the time he’d decided on chocolate sprinkles, I wanted to kick him up the butt. I was still thinking about him when I got on the bus and leaned over to pick up a Metro someone had left behind.
The top of my coffee carton flipped off, at the precise moment the bus jolted, splurting the coffee into the lap of the woman opposite. Everyone’s shoes were splattered in froth including mine. All I could do was apologise profusely and offer to pay everyone’s dry cleaning bills.
‘My day seems to have got off on the wrong foot’ I said apologetically.
‘Should be more careful’ snapped a woman with coffee in her lap.
‘I was going to a job interview!’ the man next to me ranted.
Everyone had their legs in the air because the coffee was running down the middle of the bus. I got off feeling like a leper.
‘What a morning it’s been’ I said to my boss gesturing to my ruined outfit.
‘And unfortunately I’ve got bad news’ he said
‘I’m not getting a pay rise?’
‘I have to let you go’
I felt a mess and looked it, I’d lost my job and the idea of going on a blind date didn’t thrill, but he was apparently good looking, and had a great sense of humour so I decided to go to cheer myself up. Then Sue (the woman who set up the date) called.
‘He’s cancelled’
‘Why?’
‘He decided you’re too old’
I bought a copy of the Daily Mail hoping that would lighten my mood. The headline was ’67 year old OAP Tantra love guru recommends love potions for great sex’ I should have known they’d make me sound like an idiot!
On the way home I stopped at my local pub and ordered a glass of wine, chuckling to myself.
‘What’s tickled you? The barman laughed.
‘The universe’s sense of humour’ 
I said, holding up the scratch card I’d bought en-route. ‘I’ve just won a hundred pounds after the worst morning imaginable’
Jaylen Grace writes children’s books under this pseudonym. She writes under her real name for adult content books and is the author of lovemaking manual Three Faces of Sex www.stellaralfini.com. She can be found on Facebook and Twitter @stellaralfini. Also at www.jaylengrace.com and on Twitter @jaylengrace
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